Because it's a MoooooVIE

Time to Rant -- and yes, what else is new?

Why does my husband think that watching DVD's one right after the other is like the funnest thing since free love? God, why can't we rent ONE DVD at a time. Why do we have to have a friggin’ Sundance Film Festival every free weekend? Where are my friggin' UGG boots!

Here’s my thing: I can’t devote SIX hours of my life to watch flicks with my husband, laying in bed like a beached whale, and still feel good about myself or my day.

He wants to just lay there like a slug. Watch movie after movie after movie. Until we either pass out, get hungry and eat. Then pass out again. Seriously, one weekend we watched movies in the bedroom, but had to get up so we could lay in the living room on the couch to watch movies. ARGH!

You are lying there, watching (mostly) someone else's mind drivel spill across your TV while you could be doing something productive. Like folding clothes, having sex, reading Oprah, scrubbing toilets, making “To Do” lists, brainstorming the whole peace in our time thing. ANYTHING.

My man calls this relaxing. It’s the nearest thing to lying there and thinking of England I can come up with. And yes, I know how to relax and take in a flick. But I don't want to devote a hunk of my life to it. Well more than once every two months.

So why do I do this? Glad you asked.

Hubby: "We got Mooooovies to watch!" Such glee in his voice.
Me: "Uh, yea. Honey, I want to watch something on television tonight."
Hubby: "So, you are saying you have no interest in watching these movies??"
Me: "Noooo. I said I want to watch something on television at this moment. Later I may want to watch them. But not right now."
Hubby: "But we only have these FIVE movies you rented for two days. Why did you rent them if you don't want to watch them!?"
Me: "I DO want to watch them. Just not right now. And we have them all week."
Hubby: "Fine, don't spend time with me."
(Now he walks slightly heavy footed to the bedroom to put in a movie).

Me: "How did ME not wanting to watch a baseball movie become a referendum on our RELATIONSHIP??"

.......silence.....

Guilt. It's not just your mother's domain.

We have four televisions in this house and yet if I am not up his butt apparently I am not showin' him the love. You know what kills me? When we were dating, it was hard to get him to come over to my apartment because he sometimes just wanted to relaaxxxx. I now know he was probably one of these couch potato people who literally graft themselves to the cushions.

I also am not a slave to Blockbuster. If they say no late fees and I can have this movie for a week, by god, I am keeping it a full week. I am not going to watch this DVD on someone else's time frame.

And while we are on the subject of TV watching what IS the deal with the clicker? Either he is:

• Plowing through channels like a man thinking Angelina Jolie is gonna show up naked any minute with a free sex offer if he dials in the next 15 minutes, or

• Tossing the remote at me, telling me to find something only to BERATE it when I do (if you don't want to watch Sex And the City/Food TV anything/or a SciFi/Horror flick, don't give me the remote, buddy!)

So bottom line, for me, is one movie at a time, watched on my time table.
And take turns with the remote.
I mean, if you loooooove me.