Back from vacation and not a moment too soon.

Well, here I am back from my vacation here at home. An oxymoron, yes.

Here in my house, haunting me, are tiny piles of crap...er projects that I have started and yet abandoned to pursue other tiny piles of crap that looked like they needed me more.

Friday, I crapped out all together and took in a day at a local spa. And that made me think: are spas the modern day houses of ill repute?

I mean, think about it -- I had three different women rub down various parts of my body with scented oils, sensual bath salts and firming potions, listened to soothing music in dark-lit rooms all while lounging on cushioned beds.

At one point, a chick bathed me and told me I wasn't naked enough to get to all the salt off my body.

And all the while, I am sipping Mimosa's (my yummy fav morning if I can't have-coffee drink) and wine. And at the end of my day, I paid a man at the front door $200.

Spa or Woman's brothal? You make the call.

In any event, I am back at work, and of course paying for the sin of taking a few days off.

I came back to no less than 1000 pieces of email, 500 of which was the Outlook server's gentle reminders that I was over my mailbox limit. I often refer to this joy as the Outlook Stalker.

I hate the Outlook Stalker. It's just stupid. It sends you these emails telling you you're over your limit, yet it is CONTRIBUTING to the big, steaming pile of email you have. Why doesn't it just call you and say "Hey, you're over your limit. Read your friggin' email, will ya??"

And THEN, until you delete email or archive your email, it won't let you send anything out.

So basically you are being held email hostage, unable to communicate with your fellow employees via electronic mail, unable to respond to their needs of collaboration and help, all because you have to take an hour out of your day to delete about 500 pieces of email that say "YOU ARE OVER YOUR MAIL BOX LIMIT."

And people wonder why American's are taking vacations anymore. Beacuse you end up paying some chick to rub you down for $200 only to have the Outlook Stalker slap you around when you get back.

Let me start on this next pile of crap.