First

My first blog. This is intimidating. I really don't know what to type. What could possibly be interesting enough to put on this black, white screen?

Okay - many folks have said I would be an interesting blogger, but I have to say I find the whole thing so odd. It's random people spilling out the contents of their brain. I could be boring, verbose or even worse, filled with self loathing and angst.

I mean, it's like fat people naked on South Beach, FL. No one really wants to see that, do they?

I guess I could start with a few biographical pieces of information.

I am female. I have two kids. One is autistic. I have a dog. I just got married.
I just ate three Krystal burgers and now I have indigestion.

....tick....tick....tick...

I watch American Idol, The Apprentice, and this season of Survivor but not the last two (protested due to a brief bout of rebellion against reality TV. I got over it.) Both British Nanny shows (Thank God my kids are perfect).

Actually I watch more TV than I care to admit to. It's probably how I best tell time.

....tick.....tick....

I am workaholic. I just wish it benefited me more.

So the main theme in my life right now seems to be the lack of time and how it seems to be filled with stuff I don't want to do. Or the fact I don't know what I am suppose to be doing. Oh, and the fact men seem mentally challenged for a group of folks with two heads.

In fact my best friend Leona and I talk about this all the time. How can men rule the world but can't find their crap? I have a husband who sincerely has the most creative memory I have ever witnessed.

For instance, he keeps trying to give me a Banana Republic polo shirt I bought for him three months ago. He has decided it's a girls shirt.

"That's your shirt," He said.
"No, it's yours," I replied, putting it back on his side of the closet.
"No, it's yours . It's a girls shirt."
"What makes you say that? It's a man's polo shirt. Besides I bought it for you along with those BR t-shirts."
"I don't have any BR t-shirts."
"Yes you do! I bought them along with this polo at the same time. We talked about them the day I brought them home!"
"No, we didn't. I don't have any BR t-shirts, you didn't buy this for me. It's a GIRLS shirt!"

"Yes, I bought all this at one time, including the shorts you keep reminding me to take back. This is YOUR BP shirt! Look, (grasping a white t-shirt from a nearby laundry basket) here are the OTHER BP shirts you don't own!!"
"I am not going to argue this with you."
"TOO LATE!!"
"Just take the damn shirt!"
"I can't it's a man's shirt! It's too big! And it's BROWN."


See it's exchanges like this that make people seek out a Dr.Phil prime-time intervention. I cannot tell you how I scower self-help sites looking for insight as to how the male mind works.

When a man says you don't love him because, if you did, you wouldn't wake him up because he is snoring, you should just buy ear plugs because he doesn't want to have a sleep study that could force him to wear a machine on his face so he can breathe but can't sleep..... God -- HOW DOES A BRAIN MAKE THIS CRAP UP??? The solution is for me to wear ear plugs so you can snore yourself away to cardiac issues and brain dysfunction to sleep deprivation?

Okay I just answered my own question -- men are challenged because their memories are clouded due to lack of sleep.